Interpersonal relations in the modern era
There is a phenomenon that has arisen in the last 5 or so years. Maybe it's been longer maybe shorter, I wasn't really paying attention or I dismissed it outright when it first surfaced. This phenomenon: on-line dating.
There was once a time when a young man and a young woman met for the first time when at the alter. Arranged marriages, they called it. Sometimes it was two pimply faced kids who knew nothing of interpersonal relations or anything about what it meant to be in a bound union that effectively lasted the rest of their natural lives. Sometimes it was an older gentleman getting the innocent young girl for his very own because it was a good move politically for the families. And sometimes the young woman in question was just given away in a sort of slavery-esque manner because girls weren't worth as much as boys. As times moved forward choice made its way into the decision making process. Youngsters would be in school and meet the girl or guy who "flipped their lid" and they'd go steady, go parking, and end up being high school sweethearts. Or if they weren't so lucky they'd be unexpected parents and live miserable lives because they couldn't keep they're hormones in check or they weren't smart enough to buy a condom.
As time moved forward, and it always does, the means to get the girl or guy became a social situation - enter the bar or nightclub. Girls trollop themselves up and guys put on too much aftershave and hit the swinging night spots in order for alcohol and pheromones to mix at just the right temperature to create a spark and ignite passion. At times these ignitions would be nothing more than a fleeting roll in the hay, but by continually going back and attempting to find the right mixture of alcohol and pheromones these hipsters would seek out that "one." As time passed this scenario unfortunately degraded into something much less sophisticated - the one-night stand. How is that different than the "ignitions" that failed? Simple: the desire to end up with "the one" is no longer present. I like to refer these youngsters engaging in this activity as "The Sport Fuckers." They throw caution to the wind to be able to reminisce over the conquests of their youth while scratching their asses fat and ugly one their couches watching late-night TV before they go off to their graveyard shift security jobs.
But even "The Sport Fuckers" began to find the alcohol-laced crowds of local bars a difficult playing ground. Apathy and social climbing began to take the place of the search for connection and the final frontier got pushed father out beyond the hazy clouds of distant galaxies.
Introduce on-line dating. Now, I spend a fair bit of time on-line. What was it Hunter S. Thompson said about our future society? "Plug in, Turn on, Tune out?" Seems that's what we're doing at an alarming rate. Hell, if I can join a gym on-line and never go, if I can get my rocks off by spending $29.95 a month at ilikedirtysluts.com, if I can buy a replica Ferrari - which is actually a Datsun 280Z with a Ferrari kit body - sight unseen on E-bay (that one's for you Bill), and if I can isolate myself and buy groceries, clothes, books, music and the like on-line why can't I find love? Yeah, why not?
It used to be that we had to leave our house to get stuff. We were forced to interact in order to live our lives. But no longer! Technology has solved that for us and look at where we are. Technology and its ills aside, let's get back to the point: On-Line Dating.
There are sites like place4friends.com, friendster.com, Match.com, myspace.com, eHarmony.com and religion specific sites like Jdate.com, Jlove.com and the now defunct affinityexchange.com. Each of these sites boast millions of singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Mr. or Mrs. Right. Millions of singles. Oy. But there are millions of people hoping to find true love on these sites. I've actually met a few of the successes. So, to be objective I have to state that they do work. But will they work for the millions of singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right? Are we going to find our Rhett Butler? Our Carey Grant? Our Marilyn Monroe? Our Jenna Jameson? Our Ron Jeremy? Because that's what those millions and millions of singles are searching for. They are looking for an archetype and instead finding socially inept, slightly overweight people who don't know what it means to have interpersonal relations with another. OK, that's a gross generalization and not fair to the small percentage of people who really do have difficulty meeting people and are using this as a means to find that right someone. Those people do exist.
Well, I have found over the years that I'm one of those isolated people with a mildly underdeveloped social skill set. With that said I have broken down and dipped into the wily world of on-line dating. Consider it an anthropological study.
First thing you have to do is fill out the form that lets your would-be suitors know who you are. After that you fill out the form to let the would-be suitors know what would-be suitor you are looking for and after that you then swallow any sense of humility you have and try to promote yourself in the best light you can so the would-be suitors want to be with you and live happily ever after. Once the forms have been filled out you then start trolling for the matches for you. You find the one who basically fits what you're looking for and the need to swallow your pride happens again - the e-mailed message or prefab message "flirt." Once you've sent it then you wait to see if you're good enough for the one who'll end your bout of loneliness. They write back or "flirt" back and you continue to have this exchange for a week or two and then you meet is a public place so as to allay any fears of being a stalker or a psychopath. Those meetings become more frequent until happiness finally does ensue. Or at least that's the basic idea of it all.
Here's the reality from my experience. You do all the form filling out and trolling to find that special someone and then you e-mail the stupid one-liners you'd never have the guts to say in person only to wait. And you do wait. Why? Because those you want to be with are looking to be with someone hotter or more intelligent. Oh, and these people don't read what you've written. I know for fact because a dear friend of mine is looking for a white Jewish guy and the only response "ideal match."
In my study I've sent notes to a fair number of these millions of single women all looking for love. Some of the notes were dumb and some were witty but all have gone unanswered. I have, however, received a few choice notes from women who are not at all what I said I was looking for. Ah, irony.
So what's the solution? Huh? I'd rather stay away from the people I work with and who study at my school. Why? Obvious: it's better not to shit where you eat. I don't like bars because I don't like them - meat markets for the snobby. And I really don't have game. Maybe my game is that I don't have game. Someone mentioned that to me once. I'm a straightforward guy; I mean what I say so if I'm interested I'm interested and not looking to be one of those "Sport Fuckers." Of course, that may be where I'm going wrong. Nonetheless this is where I'm at and I'm looking for that special someone. So the bars are out and the clubs are way out if the bars are out and that leaves coffee shops. But, I quite caffeine over 10 years ago so the coffee thing is right out. That leaves what? Yup, you guessed it, on-line dating. Anything is possible so maybe this is the way to go? Hell I had my mother meet women and try to set me up with them. MY MOTHER! She has no idea what I'm looking for and doing a better job of hooking me up than I am. Baffling.
On-line dating, the final frontier. The only thing that I could possibly imagine as more detached from having to deal with another person is... actually I can't think of anything that would be more detached. Jeez. Well, if I can join a gym on-line and never go who's to say I can't find a girlfriend I never see? Oh boy, something to look forward to!
On a completely separate but mildly related note:
It has come to my attention that I need to change the state I am in. I am doing this at any and every chance offered me. My brother has 2 kids - 4 and 6. I spent time with them over the weekend. They are both a handful, sometimes more than a handful, and very intelligent. But even at their worst I realized that I would like to have a child of my own. The power they posses to make this world not about you is amazing. The power they possess to educate you on the simplest tasks that are usually considered "old hat" is amazing. The power they possess to surprise and enlighten is amazing. And the power they have to be the most annoying creatures on the planet is amazing. But even with that I was taken.
Children have never been in my equation. Apparently, that equation has been changed just as my desire to work hard at my day job and hide from the world has changed. As Ted Theodore Logon once said, "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." So where there is change there is the unknown and that unknown is frightening. Regardless change, as my teachers says, is possible. But how does this change tie into the on-line dating thing? Well, I guess it means that we continue to explore, for scientific purposes, the possibility that this Mr. Right will find Mrs. Right out there. If it happens to be because of a series of ones and zeros so be it. One must get themselves out there any means necessary.
The days of boy meets girl, falls in love with girl and lives happily ever after roll credits is no longer - maybe in the red states, but not in the leaning toward shallow, surface world of big city Los Angeles - A city that boasts an impressive roster of well tanned, well exercised pretty people with little to no substance. Mark Twain wrote "if all men were rich all men would be poor." Another individual wrote "if you're playing tennis and everybody wants to play with a better player no one would play tennis." That is my assessment of dating in Los Angeles. Always looking for the next better thing to come 'round the bend. If you are so inclined to walk up to a girl at a bar and you're not sporting a Breitling watch or have a Mercedes key fob hanging out of your Dolce & Gabbana jeans you might find yourself walking away in your non-Gucci shoes from a girl who is looking past you to see who's just walked in. I am obviously exaggerating for the sake of humor, but all jokes have a semblance of truth. Observe what happens next time you're out and realize that girl who's looking to see who just walked in is dumber than a box of rocks and thinks she can become something more than she is by opening her legs just a little wide than the girl sitting next to her. Oh, and by the way, her tits aren't real.
There was once a time when a young man and a young woman met for the first time when at the alter. Arranged marriages, they called it. Sometimes it was two pimply faced kids who knew nothing of interpersonal relations or anything about what it meant to be in a bound union that effectively lasted the rest of their natural lives. Sometimes it was an older gentleman getting the innocent young girl for his very own because it was a good move politically for the families. And sometimes the young woman in question was just given away in a sort of slavery-esque manner because girls weren't worth as much as boys. As times moved forward choice made its way into the decision making process. Youngsters would be in school and meet the girl or guy who "flipped their lid" and they'd go steady, go parking, and end up being high school sweethearts. Or if they weren't so lucky they'd be unexpected parents and live miserable lives because they couldn't keep they're hormones in check or they weren't smart enough to buy a condom.
As time moved forward, and it always does, the means to get the girl or guy became a social situation - enter the bar or nightclub. Girls trollop themselves up and guys put on too much aftershave and hit the swinging night spots in order for alcohol and pheromones to mix at just the right temperature to create a spark and ignite passion. At times these ignitions would be nothing more than a fleeting roll in the hay, but by continually going back and attempting to find the right mixture of alcohol and pheromones these hipsters would seek out that "one." As time passed this scenario unfortunately degraded into something much less sophisticated - the one-night stand. How is that different than the "ignitions" that failed? Simple: the desire to end up with "the one" is no longer present. I like to refer these youngsters engaging in this activity as "The Sport Fuckers." They throw caution to the wind to be able to reminisce over the conquests of their youth while scratching their asses fat and ugly one their couches watching late-night TV before they go off to their graveyard shift security jobs.
But even "The Sport Fuckers" began to find the alcohol-laced crowds of local bars a difficult playing ground. Apathy and social climbing began to take the place of the search for connection and the final frontier got pushed father out beyond the hazy clouds of distant galaxies.
Introduce on-line dating. Now, I spend a fair bit of time on-line. What was it Hunter S. Thompson said about our future society? "Plug in, Turn on, Tune out?" Seems that's what we're doing at an alarming rate. Hell, if I can join a gym on-line and never go, if I can get my rocks off by spending $29.95 a month at ilikedirtysluts.com, if I can buy a replica Ferrari - which is actually a Datsun 280Z with a Ferrari kit body - sight unseen on E-bay (that one's for you Bill), and if I can isolate myself and buy groceries, clothes, books, music and the like on-line why can't I find love? Yeah, why not?
It used to be that we had to leave our house to get stuff. We were forced to interact in order to live our lives. But no longer! Technology has solved that for us and look at where we are. Technology and its ills aside, let's get back to the point: On-Line Dating.
There are sites like place4friends.com, friendster.com, Match.com, myspace.com, eHarmony.com and religion specific sites like Jdate.com, Jlove.com and the now defunct affinityexchange.com. Each of these sites boast millions of singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Mr. or Mrs. Right. Millions of singles. Oy. But there are millions of people hoping to find true love on these sites. I've actually met a few of the successes. So, to be objective I have to state that they do work. But will they work for the millions of singles looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right? Are we going to find our Rhett Butler? Our Carey Grant? Our Marilyn Monroe? Our Jenna Jameson? Our Ron Jeremy? Because that's what those millions and millions of singles are searching for. They are looking for an archetype and instead finding socially inept, slightly overweight people who don't know what it means to have interpersonal relations with another. OK, that's a gross generalization and not fair to the small percentage of people who really do have difficulty meeting people and are using this as a means to find that right someone. Those people do exist.
Well, I have found over the years that I'm one of those isolated people with a mildly underdeveloped social skill set. With that said I have broken down and dipped into the wily world of on-line dating. Consider it an anthropological study.
First thing you have to do is fill out the form that lets your would-be suitors know who you are. After that you fill out the form to let the would-be suitors know what would-be suitor you are looking for and after that you then swallow any sense of humility you have and try to promote yourself in the best light you can so the would-be suitors want to be with you and live happily ever after. Once the forms have been filled out you then start trolling for the matches for you. You find the one who basically fits what you're looking for and the need to swallow your pride happens again - the e-mailed message or prefab message "flirt." Once you've sent it then you wait to see if you're good enough for the one who'll end your bout of loneliness. They write back or "flirt" back and you continue to have this exchange for a week or two and then you meet is a public place so as to allay any fears of being a stalker or a psychopath. Those meetings become more frequent until happiness finally does ensue. Or at least that's the basic idea of it all.
Here's the reality from my experience. You do all the form filling out and trolling to find that special someone and then you e-mail the stupid one-liners you'd never have the guts to say in person only to wait. And you do wait. Why? Because those you want to be with are looking to be with someone hotter or more intelligent. Oh, and these people don't read what you've written. I know for fact because a dear friend of mine is looking for a white Jewish guy and the only response "ideal match."
In my study I've sent notes to a fair number of these millions of single women all looking for love. Some of the notes were dumb and some were witty but all have gone unanswered. I have, however, received a few choice notes from women who are not at all what I said I was looking for. Ah, irony.
So what's the solution? Huh? I'd rather stay away from the people I work with and who study at my school. Why? Obvious: it's better not to shit where you eat. I don't like bars because I don't like them - meat markets for the snobby. And I really don't have game. Maybe my game is that I don't have game. Someone mentioned that to me once. I'm a straightforward guy; I mean what I say so if I'm interested I'm interested and not looking to be one of those "Sport Fuckers." Of course, that may be where I'm going wrong. Nonetheless this is where I'm at and I'm looking for that special someone. So the bars are out and the clubs are way out if the bars are out and that leaves coffee shops. But, I quite caffeine over 10 years ago so the coffee thing is right out. That leaves what? Yup, you guessed it, on-line dating. Anything is possible so maybe this is the way to go? Hell I had my mother meet women and try to set me up with them. MY MOTHER! She has no idea what I'm looking for and doing a better job of hooking me up than I am. Baffling.
On-line dating, the final frontier. The only thing that I could possibly imagine as more detached from having to deal with another person is... actually I can't think of anything that would be more detached. Jeez. Well, if I can join a gym on-line and never go who's to say I can't find a girlfriend I never see? Oh boy, something to look forward to!
On a completely separate but mildly related note:
It has come to my attention that I need to change the state I am in. I am doing this at any and every chance offered me. My brother has 2 kids - 4 and 6. I spent time with them over the weekend. They are both a handful, sometimes more than a handful, and very intelligent. But even at their worst I realized that I would like to have a child of my own. The power they posses to make this world not about you is amazing. The power they possess to educate you on the simplest tasks that are usually considered "old hat" is amazing. The power they possess to surprise and enlighten is amazing. And the power they have to be the most annoying creatures on the planet is amazing. But even with that I was taken.
Children have never been in my equation. Apparently, that equation has been changed just as my desire to work hard at my day job and hide from the world has changed. As Ted Theodore Logon once said, "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K." So where there is change there is the unknown and that unknown is frightening. Regardless change, as my teachers says, is possible. But how does this change tie into the on-line dating thing? Well, I guess it means that we continue to explore, for scientific purposes, the possibility that this Mr. Right will find Mrs. Right out there. If it happens to be because of a series of ones and zeros so be it. One must get themselves out there any means necessary.
The days of boy meets girl, falls in love with girl and lives happily ever after roll credits is no longer - maybe in the red states, but not in the leaning toward shallow, surface world of big city Los Angeles - A city that boasts an impressive roster of well tanned, well exercised pretty people with little to no substance. Mark Twain wrote "if all men were rich all men would be poor." Another individual wrote "if you're playing tennis and everybody wants to play with a better player no one would play tennis." That is my assessment of dating in Los Angeles. Always looking for the next better thing to come 'round the bend. If you are so inclined to walk up to a girl at a bar and you're not sporting a Breitling watch or have a Mercedes key fob hanging out of your Dolce & Gabbana jeans you might find yourself walking away in your non-Gucci shoes from a girl who is looking past you to see who's just walked in. I am obviously exaggerating for the sake of humor, but all jokes have a semblance of truth. Observe what happens next time you're out and realize that girl who's looking to see who just walked in is dumber than a box of rocks and thinks she can become something more than she is by opening her legs just a little wide than the girl sitting next to her. Oh, and by the way, her tits aren't real.
posted by Adam Donshik at 1:07 AM
1 Comments:
Methinks the gentleman doth protest too much. Yeah, I know that dating in LA sucks and I'm sure that you don't want to hear this from your crazy former ASM, but you're a really awesome guy and when you find Mrs. Right, she'll be thinking, "how did I ever live without him?" So yes, I'm a sappy romantic,(that's what happens when you essentially live in a convent)and you can roll your eyes all you want, but you are going to make some woman amazingly happy someday.
Plus you have that whole sexy musician thing. Women go nuts for that shit.
Ok so hopefully this made you smile or at least laugh and say, "oh Allison is so ridiculous sometimes."
and if not, just pretend that I said something that did, so you'll feel better and I can continue living in my little world of making people happy.
And now I'm rambling.
P.S.- I think that you will be a great dad.
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