2 days after the day

Ah, birthdays. The one day of the year that I reflect on all I haven't accomplished. Most normal people do this on days like New Years or Christmas or Yom Kippur, but not birthdays. Usually, birthdays are a time to reflect on all the good things that have happened in the last year. It is a time to look at how one has aged, much like a fine wine. But not for me.

I look at birthdays as a marker, much like the rings of trees that tell us all the natural disasters and freak weather patterns through the years. Birthdays are, for lack of a better term, shitty. They are not a celebration. No, they are not. They are a cold slap in the face. A harsh jolt of reality sending shivers down your spin at the realization of all you have not accomplished and all that you are missing in your life.

Dramatic, huh? That's why I'm an actor.

I say this about birthdays because, as stated in an earlier post, I feel that reflection on one's past only leads to seeing what's missing and that can only lead to no good. So what's missing? Not here. Not now. Although no one really reads this thing so what could it hurt? But still no.

Let's just leave it at in a lonely world it is important to surround yourself with people who care. Without them you might find everything moving smoothly for a while. You might find that you're content. But the moment things fall to shit or you get ill those people who call themselves your friend but are not will abandon you and leave you to fend for yourself. So, those people you strive to get to know to make your career better or help you get a little further on the corporate ladder aren't going to be there in the times of need.

This year I got a little party. A small group of friends took me to dinner and then an even smaller group went out to bumble fuck and drove go carts. It was fun. I have not been the best at doing the birthday thing for my friends because of my proclivity toward running and hiding when they come about so I asked my friends why they threw a party for me. They said because it was me. Simply because it was me. The best thing anyone has ever said to me. Period. That' s how you know that no matter where the day takes you and no matter what you do, true friends are hard to come by, but when you get them hold on. You'll know them because they don't ask for anything in return when they give something. They don't make you feel like shit for being you. And, most importantly they have your back. Sure they can be dicks and say stupid things, everyone can. But will everyone be there when you're at your worst?

Something to think about.

So, back to the original point. Birthdays. They suck, that's a given. But maybe they suck so you can see what good might be just outside your field of vision.